10/27/06

Gym on wed and on friday again. Somehow, the motivation is non-existent on friday. Must have something to do with satisfaction and self-pity. May I wallop in sorrow.

Panam Party Halloween theme. So fun. Well, at least it was better than the first party I went to during my couz bday, which was on 4 march 06. I am such a good, innocent and pure girl. Yeah, right. Darn, but I really need to get a life. I stepped on a lot of glass bottle shreds. I think my slippers are ruined. Shucks! I was dancing and thinking, what's that hard thing sticking to my slipper. Shucks. I thought it was gum or something, but it turns out to be glass bottle shreds! Do you know how dangerous that is if i accidentally stepped on it with my bare feet?

Well anyway, I would like to thank Belal for being such a great dance partner. Always looking out for me and making sure I dont get pushed around since I'm so short, people just squeeze me aside if they want to get across the room.

Thanks for Kevin for sending me to the dances although for some funny reason, you wont dance with me coz I make you shy. Huh? Next time, you promised.

Thanks to Dana, Leslie, Jonathon, Astri for coming and just being there and accustoming me to the environment.

I am tired. Have to work 6 freaking hours tml and I look forward to it only because the guy who im working with is cute. That's right. Cute guys make my day. Plus, he goes to the gym everyday. Woah...

I also went to some asian sorority party. Dont like it. Dont know anyone. And people dance weird. (I think its just because I didnt like the atmosphere and the people.) Its so strange to be able to look above their heads. At Panam, I'm always staring at someone's chest or the people around me. They are so tall, they block my view.

That's it for now. That's my celebration of College Kids Halloween for you. I am sooo looking forward to another PANAM party, especially if any of my girlfriends are going. This semester is so boring, I will scream!!!!

I took some pics in the library today. What's so fun, you say. I'm a bookworm, yeah you noticed. I go to the library all the time. It is my favorite hang out. So what's the biggy?

Guess....whoooo...The haunted stacks.

The above picture is the scariest place I have ever been. The floor literally queaks and suddenly, from the sides of the room, you hear sounds, more queaking sounds that seem to popped up. I went to the window, and saw that it overlooks the clock tower, but later, strode back to the south side of the library where the floor is made of thick green glass panels.

The floor creaks when you walk on it. The books are faded, covered in dust, and omitting a musty smell. Hardcover books. The ones you never see in today's bookstore. Shelfs, and shelfs filled with them, hundreds of books stretching a mile long, few stories high. Imagine the immerse collection hidden in the old wing of the library. So old that no one dares to go in alone, or even know of it.

Imagine then, just when I was taking pictures, the battery almost went flat until I crossed to the new wing. The horror, fanscination, apprehension.

The library. Come see it. OU.

Sooner. Boomer. Sooner. Boomer.

PICS TO FEAST YOUR EYES ON.

They even have Dorothy and the Wizard in? Oz.

Look at the pages! Pictures! Oh...the sweetness of childhood days. How come our textbooks can be that interesting? Then at least I have some interest in studying.

*Pic deleted coz I am inside. Shucks. God bless short people*

The roofs are so short, I can touch them, while still standing on the floor, not jumping mind you! Makes me so happy. Yea to short people. The tall people will find it a bother to enter coz they will bump bump bump their heads. Muahahahaha.

Theme: Mouse Trap. So cute. Can you spot the mouse? I tried showing my friend, but she can only see the eyes. O_o Luckily, she is the only one. "I have no creativity," quoted from her. Not my group. Just some lucky sulpture lucky to be one of the first few pics and I clicked on it coz its cute.



Oct 21 (sat) was homecoming. That week, I did the most lying and most procastinating I ever had.
Firstly, I was trying to regain some privacy and secondly, I was too sleepy to do pomping. Somehow, everytime I wanted to force myself over to some fratenity house to pomp, my friend decided she would rather sleep and therefore, I didnt go as well.

I was so excited to think that at least, this year, I would experience pomping but noooo... All I got involved with was the Can Sulpture. I even missed the Pep Rally. Gosh! That was actually my highlight of the homecoming week. Seeing the dances. I cant believe I chose sleep over the Pep Rally and it was so near my house too. I want to kick myself hard.

Well anyway, I took lots of picture that I felt involved in the homecoming activities although I am really not. I dont even know what fraternity and sorority my house was paired with. Gives you lots of insight to how much interest I had in homecoming and greek names. Its hard enough that I dont even remember the greek letters to my house, let alone others. I think its E...?? Ok, I just checked online, and its EOA..somewhere along those letters.

Back to homecoming. I think I only accumulated 2.5 pts. I suck big time. I actually have to accumulate 15, with a min 5 pts for pomping. Shucks. And now my house officials wants everyone to report on the total number of points they got. I think I have to come up with some big lie or do some miscalculation. Hey, I was never good at math.

Well anyway, here is ONE MORE pics. Enjoy. Somehow, uploading is superslow, so forget about the rest. If you are interested, I can share the album with you. Tons of interesting pics.


Below is another Can sulpture. The cans will be donated to God knows where. Behind the sulpture are the extra cans, which are just lying in a mess. Anyway, this suplture is a football stadium. It is not my group. Mine is a tree with a snake winding around it. Somehow, it manages to look like a christmas tree with red bulbs encircling it. Someone pls tell me it fits the theme of Jumaji. That's my group's theme.



Signing off,
me.

ALVIN...ENJOY ARMY AND SHAVED HEAD. THE BEST. MUAHAHAHA. If you can see, I used purple esp for you :) Coz its fun and you will be needing some soon. jejejejejeje.

10/13/06 Friday

Another chapter closed on Friday (SA meeting), how apt. Sometimes, I wondered what would happened if I took another road, but everytime I imagined, I could only foresee disaster. I think it is better this way.

On the other hand, why must my life be so complicated?

Just as another chapter closes, so must the new one starts the next day.

Nowadays, it seems to be getting quicker and quicker, as if time is running out. If you look back, you can see every single detail at the tip of your finger. That is how I view my life. A sudden flash so fast it feels like it happened yesterday. So if I feel that way for the last *my age* years of my life, I could imagine my future happening lightyears for now, and feel the urging need to live life to the fullest.

>>> RUSSA Night. Fantastic food. E.g. salad, pancakes, cakes, russian soft drink, etc.

10/14 /06 Saturday

>>> canvas painting during cov gp.

>>> applebee (resturant)... private information. (somehow, everything I write is in some way elusive. Pardon me but I dont trust anyone with secrets. Not even on my blog, the internet is too free and open.)

>>> I am selfish and I am guilty because I would rather hang on to the past until someone indicates the chapter of that life is close, but it isnt yet - referring to B.K.

>>> Would you rather have love hit you straight in the face or would you have love creep up on you? I prefer the latter although there is so much heartache in it and the experience is like a rollar coaster. No longer will your life be rational, instead, it will rather be based on emotions. Frustrating but im still sucked into it.

10/15/06 Sunday

>>> Trinity with Andy, Rami, Kevin, Jordan and me.

>>> I need some privacy. Guys hate clinging girls and vice versa.

>>> Di-va-li night (sorry but i dun know how to spell) Great super long performance with a stand up comedian and great indian food. Somemore my ticket is free because I represent the President of MSA. Hehehehe.

>>> Homecoming this coming week and im still lost in confusion. Ok fine, so I have done it before but im still lost coz its different this year.

>>> Hoedown coming up soon! :) Paid for two shirts ($12 each). Write here so that I wont forget.

>>> I want PRIVACY!!!!!!

>>> I dont know why I am such an ass sometimes, people who seem too easy to get or too nice to me and I will start feeling paranoid. So be it. And then I will want to limit my contact with them until I have them figured out. Some people are naturally super nice, like my friend, which I orginally doubt. I feel bad now but I am trying to make up for it :)

>>> This is a super long post. Whatever. If you happen to read till here, congrats. My friend sent me an even super duper long MESSAGE on facebook. Its a message not a blog and its still super long. But it makes me happy and it made my day :)

>>> I am procastinating on my homework and sleep! Imagine that.

Bisous,
me ;p

It happened again. Tonight. The arrow strikes true. Fast and silent. It penetrates swiftly without dripping a drop of blood. I hear your heart thumping and feel your erratic breathing motions.

Giorgio Armani, Aqua Di Gio. You left your scent on me. But whose scent were you orginally from?

Clarity is within me. There is no doubt. There is NO doubt.

----------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday was mooncake festival. The Chinese society had a mooncake festival in the ballroom. And you pay $1 to enter and get one whole mooncake free (or inclusive). Whatever the case, $1 for a mooncake...WAHHHHHHH!!!!! My favourite!!!! GIMME!!! GIMME!!!

Too bad I'm only one person, only one entrance fee. If I helped out that day, I would have gotten 4 mooncakes...1 whole freaking box without even paying!!!! But I was too tired. Before the event at 6.30p.m., I went out for lunch and later to a chinese supermaket to buy groceries.

I actually wanted to buy a box of mooncakes to eat at home. But they are so darn expensive and they have such weird flavors like pineapple and jujube??? Plus they also have the 5 different nut, which I really dislike. And in boxes that have white lotus, there is 2!!! egg yolk!!!

Come on, I really dont want to die that young. And I dont want the silly egg yolk to take up the whole mooncake. Besides that, the prices range from $14-30. FORGET IT.

DISSAPOINTED.

So when to the event...one dollar one mooncake...WAHHHH...I can go crazy.

Luckily, one of my friend didnt want it. So GOT TWO!!!

Then coz I was still feeling greedy, I asked for one more. Hehehehe.

Know the China President mah. But she wasnt exactly happy because none of the malaysians helped out (I think the malaysian president told her that some of us might be helping out but he didnt really mean it. haih. so he never informed the rest of us.)

But in the end, I still got ONE more...

TOTAL = 3 MOONCAKE = $1. MUAHAHAHAHA.

I AM 'PROUD' OF MYSELF :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLS: Pls do not pick me up like a little kid. I know I weigh less that you do (yes, you are stronger, I can see that) but it scares me although it is fun. Hahahahaha.

POTLUCK at NICK's...Where were you! You said you will be there although I didnt promise. FUMING.

HABIT. If you do something repeatedly for three months, it becomes a habit.

Everyday in class, I write the day and date at the front of the page. And everyday, I remind myself that today is e.g. the 5 of October, thurs, and so the first number I write is 5, but here is where my brain enforces a change in my habit.

For the past 6 years, the date is written as 5/10/06.

Now, in America...it is written as 10/5/06.

You think staying here would have changed my writing habit.

Yes. It did changed. Weirdly.

1)5

2)/5/

3)10/5/06

So you see...I still write 5 first, but then put two strokes in between and fill in the rest.

hehehehe....

These are the days, when I am reminded of you.

I had an impulsive urge to write. Suddenly, an incident that occured weeks ago popped up in my mind.

My friend knows how to read palms. Yea sure. I tried that years ago too. Take some palm information book, read up, study it and go around hunting for interested victims to spill some nonsensical information and look smug. That was years ago, and although its a delight to convince yourself that everything is true, it most likely isnt. Even for me. Oh heck, I am still pretty psyche about it :)

So recently, a friend of mine read my palm. Pray, please tell! No, she replied...Sorry but have to tell you in private. I looked at her feeling puzzled. Just tell lah! I was impatient. But she was so professional. Cannot, this kind of stuff must tell in private wan. Oklah, oklah, I replied disappointedly.

After a few days, she came to my house and I pounced on her. Hehehehe... Tell me! TELL ME!

So she told me. Not much, but some hit straight on the mark. No, it's not just plain bullshit like what I used to do. It is really true. PROVEN COZ IT HAPPENED, and IS still happening. Of course the rest I cannot tell if it is true, or if she is just guessing. After all, most people do go through up and down and their lives are all pretty similar...hehehe...as in work, get rich or be poor, etc. But ONE information she said stood out, shinning like the sudden flash in my head when I feel enlightened and it all connected.

Story is... I will only get a bf later in my life. Duh. (if it doesnt happen, I WILL STILL MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS! because I dont want to die a spinster.)However, during the years of moping over my singlehood, I will be kacao-ed by lots of guys, but none of them will matter. They will eventually go away. So darn true lah. Can you freaking guys stop kacao-ing me!!! Giving me trouble only. Making me feel all up and down, round and round. Dizzy lah. Meaning mostly that you are messing me up and giving out false alarms!!! Stop messing with my head! Hate it, coz I feel so super dumb. How can I do my hw like this!!!!

E.g. 1) Met a guy at a friend's house. He likes me but is leaving for Japan in two weeks, but before that, he is going to Colorado to visit his friends and so my first meeting with him is also therefore, my last. POINT IS >>> I would have never known he likes me but he told me! See! Trouble! Why tell??!! Make my life miserable. But nevermind, so he is my friend now...i hate to end on a bad note...but who knows what happens later. Maybe this incident will slowly vanish into the forgotten world.

E.g. 2) Guys like me and I dissed them off because I dont like them. End of story. So most of them are like that. But still...give me trouble only!

Moral of the story >>> If im not going to marry you, dont bother me. But then, my life will become super mundane, so why the heck not! I need a life...Arrgghhh....

JOY. Bubbling Laughter, and aching pains...

LOVing Sept. Not because I was borned into it, but because of all the new friends I have made. Yeah! I am sick of waiting for people to take the first step. I finally realized that you dont make friends just by waiting passively and hoping they take notice of you. Too long I have stood by the side, hidden, silent, and still. The perfect wallflower.

I have to make the first move, shaking hands, making introductions and confirming/acknowledging the friendship on facebook. Yes. Facebook. It does help me, at least, to lift up my head high when I bump into them, and give them a greeting and a hug. Before, their glances take no notice of me and I would change directions as easily as if I was meant to head to the opposite direction.

IAC (International Advisory Council) change all that. I learn, I practise and I acknowledge. My tiny circle of friends have expanded, and the treads are stretching further, taut and thin, but it goes on. This circle of friends, I am glad it opened my eyes to see the bigger picture. Without them, I will always be the same - shy, silent, with boring eyes and sully lips.

I tilt my head high, unfurling my wings, arching my back and shaking my feathers with great suppressed energy. I am breaking free from all the restrained emotions and actions. ReleasEeeee...

My shell cracked...just a faint zigzag running down the top to the shaking bottom. Not much, but it is the end of a shell, and the beginning of my rebirth.