Blow out the candles, and make a wish,*name* Want something, *name*Want something!
Dedicated to those who havent found their special half, are living a lie, and only half alive.
And for those who are afraid of having someone get too close, and those who cant make up their mind.
From the musical, 'Company'.
Title of song: Being Alive.
Someone to hold you too close,
Someone to hurt you too deep,
Someone to sit in your chair,
To ruin your sleep.
Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.
Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.
Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.
Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.
Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.
Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q3LkRNidF50&mode=related&search=
Watch it.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Writer's nightmare
You know you are starting to become a writer when ....
you dreamed of your greatest nightmare...
Deadline.
Yesterday night, I hurried to finish a story due on Monday. Fear and a little procastination has kept me up all night, editing and researching the facts in the story. Blame it all on me. I had procastinated until the night before the paper is due to start correcting my paper because I couldnt bear seeing all the red markings flying all over the paper. It was too depressing.
I dreamt that I had a paper due in one of my class. The class had a policy of not accepting any late work. I dreamt that I couldnt finish my paper. It is undone, and I couldnt hand it in and was doomed to get a B, which will affect my entire CGPA.
To summerized my writer's fear in order of the highest to the lowest.
1) Unfinished work.
2) Red marks.
3) Deadlines.
you dreamed of your greatest nightmare...
Deadline.
Yesterday night, I hurried to finish a story due on Monday. Fear and a little procastination has kept me up all night, editing and researching the facts in the story. Blame it all on me. I had procastinated until the night before the paper is due to start correcting my paper because I couldnt bear seeing all the red markings flying all over the paper. It was too depressing.
I dreamt that I had a paper due in one of my class. The class had a policy of not accepting any late work. I dreamt that I couldnt finish my paper. It is undone, and I couldnt hand it in and was doomed to get a B, which will affect my entire CGPA.
To summerized my writer's fear in order of the highest to the lowest.
1) Unfinished work.
2) Red marks.
3) Deadlines.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
VT and OU
This is so stupid aka boliao...
On tuesday, my college had a lockdown...because of a bomb scare!
Before the days of Virginia Tech (if you dont know what it is, go KNOCK your head repectedly), bomb scare had never been on such HIGH ALERT.
Previously, all that happened when a bomb scare arises is a news report the following day on the school newspaper.
But tuesday, everyone went into panic mode...
For reporters, "Grab your cameras and run to X building!" Three students in my class (2 editors and one photographer) received a call and immediately packed their bags and left when the professor was still talking.
For engineers, "Lock the door! Which is the key? Use that (points) key!" Apparently, their class doors lock from outside, not inside. They have no windows either. Safety you say? None.
But my college doors lock from inside. However, my teacher said jokingly, "If a gunman comes, we will all pull out our cameras and start shooting pictures!"
Meanwhile, dear engineering cousin said, "If a gunman comes in class, I will be the first to die coz i am sitting right in front of the door. Or maybe if he is asian, he will take pity on me since im the only asian." Hahaha. I dont think so. Apparently, one victim from VT was asian.
So while enginneering students were panicking, the journalism students were having a whale of a time.
A: "Its just another scare. Just happens everything. In my high school, whenever someone wants to get out of class early, they write a few names on a paper and leave it in the toilet."
B: "Oh, in MY high school, ...."
Suddenly, everyone was trading stories about high school bomb scares. I just sat there thinking funnily, my high school never had a bomb scare. Worse come to worse, FIRE DRILL lah!"
It is everyday chats like this that made my realize the difference of growing up in a different country. Bomb scares are so common here, it flows over everyone thoughts like diluted liquid.
You know it happens, but you never think about it coz it always is a false alarm. After being here for a long while, i never thought about it too. But then, I never thought about anything. My brain is always filled with ... drifting white clouds.
But anyway, becoz of the VT incident, my school went on high alert and first thing in the morning, someone reported a gunman on campus. Below is a report on yahoo news. Read it. And oh, heck those hyper suspicious people.
http://www.sierratimes.com/rss/newswire.php?article=/news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070417/ap_on_re_us/university_bomb_threat&time=1176831105&feed=us
pls: Families, friends and special someones of the 33 (yes the gunman too) victims, you have my condolenses. To encounter a mass killing at such a scale is unthinkable - to imagine the pain and sorrow it brings is uncountable. 33 victims times 5 (say 2 parents, 2 siblings, ONE best friend) - 165 who are in mourning. But college students have a wide network of friends...add it all up...more than a thousand (excluding strangers) are experiencing loss and maybe unconsolable.
The world will come to rights again,
the pain will numb,
and sorrow fade,
but you will learn to laugh once day.
On tuesday, my college had a lockdown...because of a bomb scare!
Before the days of Virginia Tech (if you dont know what it is, go KNOCK your head repectedly), bomb scare had never been on such HIGH ALERT.
Previously, all that happened when a bomb scare arises is a news report the following day on the school newspaper.
But tuesday, everyone went into panic mode...
For reporters, "Grab your cameras and run to X building!" Three students in my class (2 editors and one photographer) received a call and immediately packed their bags and left when the professor was still talking.
For engineers, "Lock the door! Which is the key? Use that (points) key!" Apparently, their class doors lock from outside, not inside. They have no windows either. Safety you say? None.
But my college doors lock from inside. However, my teacher said jokingly, "If a gunman comes, we will all pull out our cameras and start shooting pictures!"
Meanwhile, dear engineering cousin said, "If a gunman comes in class, I will be the first to die coz i am sitting right in front of the door. Or maybe if he is asian, he will take pity on me since im the only asian." Hahaha. I dont think so. Apparently, one victim from VT was asian.
So while enginneering students were panicking, the journalism students were having a whale of a time.
A: "Its just another scare. Just happens everything. In my high school, whenever someone wants to get out of class early, they write a few names on a paper and leave it in the toilet."
B: "Oh, in MY high school, ...."
Suddenly, everyone was trading stories about high school bomb scares. I just sat there thinking funnily, my high school never had a bomb scare. Worse come to worse, FIRE DRILL lah!"
It is everyday chats like this that made my realize the difference of growing up in a different country. Bomb scares are so common here, it flows over everyone thoughts like diluted liquid.
You know it happens, but you never think about it coz it always is a false alarm. After being here for a long while, i never thought about it too. But then, I never thought about anything. My brain is always filled with ... drifting white clouds.
But anyway, becoz of the VT incident, my school went on high alert and first thing in the morning, someone reported a gunman on campus. Below is a report on yahoo news. Read it. And oh, heck those hyper suspicious people.
http://www.sierratimes.com/rss/newswire.php?article=/news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070417/ap_on_re_us/university_bomb_threat&time=1176831105&feed=us
pls: Families, friends and special someones of the 33 (yes the gunman too) victims, you have my condolenses. To encounter a mass killing at such a scale is unthinkable - to imagine the pain and sorrow it brings is uncountable. 33 victims times 5 (say 2 parents, 2 siblings, ONE best friend) - 165 who are in mourning. But college students have a wide network of friends...add it all up...more than a thousand (excluding strangers) are experiencing loss and maybe unconsolable.
The world will come to rights again,
the pain will numb,
and sorrow fade,
but you will learn to laugh once day.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Game of Risk
A Malaysian woman, "Christina" married a American.
How did she do it?
She was working in a hotal as a sales manager in Malaysia. Met the guy there, and talk (i suppose) business for an hour. He was in the military and left for japan. A while later, she received his postcard...didnt know who he was...but he called...and they became penpal.
Six months later, she went to singapore for a business trip. He called and asked where she was. She said spore. A few hours later, he called again and asked where she was. She replied irritating spore. He said where specifically. She told him. He met her and propose.
Four months later...they were married in japan...and stayed there for 4 years...
After that, they moved to America and stayed there for 6 years....and tata...i met them, family with kids.
Her story was very ... fast. Met one hour...penpal...and proposal. After she finished telling her story, and everyone around her was going...wow, so romantic... I was thinking, no. no. no. I will never do that.
The difference between me and her is risk. She is willing to risk it all...for a lifetime. I unfortunately, cannot. And that is my greatest downfall.
I wonder if life would have been a whole lot different if I had been able to take risks. But I didnt. So I let opportunities run pass me. Thousands and thousands...and i let it flow through my fingers. Did I regret it? Maybe. Maybe not. Because unlike her, I know what I want, and Im willing to wait, until I get it or ... not.
How did she do it?
She was working in a hotal as a sales manager in Malaysia. Met the guy there, and talk (i suppose) business for an hour. He was in the military and left for japan. A while later, she received his postcard...didnt know who he was...but he called...and they became penpal.
Six months later, she went to singapore for a business trip. He called and asked where she was. She said spore. A few hours later, he called again and asked where she was. She replied irritating spore. He said where specifically. She told him. He met her and propose.
Four months later...they were married in japan...and stayed there for 4 years...
After that, they moved to America and stayed there for 6 years....and tata...i met them, family with kids.
Her story was very ... fast. Met one hour...penpal...and proposal. After she finished telling her story, and everyone around her was going...wow, so romantic... I was thinking, no. no. no. I will never do that.
The difference between me and her is risk. She is willing to risk it all...for a lifetime. I unfortunately, cannot. And that is my greatest downfall.
I wonder if life would have been a whole lot different if I had been able to take risks. But I didnt. So I let opportunities run pass me. Thousands and thousands...and i let it flow through my fingers. Did I regret it? Maybe. Maybe not. Because unlike her, I know what I want, and Im willing to wait, until I get it or ... not.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
April Rain and Snow.
The time has come to start its end,
a time of infinite ages.
Destruction is strewn,
breaking boundaries.
And the power of fear,
blinding each person,
the survival is crucial,
until the end is done.
With seven colors,
shaped into a half arc,
a little boy,
comes out to play.
The earth is damp,
its opponent still strong,
but the making unfolds.
Battered flowers,
Sharp end twigs,
a puddle of water,
a splash of play.
A life pulsing,
goes unnoticed,
but for the crawlers,
nestled in a pot of gold.
a time of infinite ages.
Destruction is strewn,
breaking boundaries.
And the power of fear,
blinding each person,
the survival is crucial,
until the end is done.
With seven colors,
shaped into a half arc,
a little boy,
comes out to play.
The earth is damp,
its opponent still strong,
but the making unfolds.
Battered flowers,
Sharp end twigs,
a puddle of water,
a splash of play.
A life pulsing,
goes unnoticed,
but for the crawlers,
nestled in a pot of gold.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Conflict of Boots, Eagle, and Man-on-Bus
Look at the grassy field of dirty, torn, and empty boots. Boots that you realized had meaning to them when you see a name tag attached to it. A growing horror that you tried to pretend those name tag didnt mean what you thought it meant. But it did. Names. Age. Title. It was the signs of the deceased.
The Boots were a sign of protest of war. The protest against innocent killings. Of taking away life, and leaving the living behind with a pounding wave of sorrow, helplessness and angsty.
I thought it was an act of honor, to showcase those boots, which were painstakingly organized into straight lines. I thought it was a great way to show the world that the Iraq war needs to end because innocent lives were being killed.
That is, until I met my friend.
Me: "Im going to take pictures of those boots."
Friend: "Why? It's a disgrace!"
Me: "Disgrace? But these are soldiers who died in the war, and we should honor them."
Friend: "Fine, but the event is about protest against war!"
Me: "So? I think war should be stopped."
Friend: "But these people join the military to fight. It's a disgrace to use their boots to protest against war. Why else do you think I'm in the Navy?"
I took pictures anyway, but I thought what Friend said was rather true. Still, I thought of it as a way of remembering and honoring the fallen. But at the end of the day, whether there were empty boots or full boots, I stand against war, protest or no protest.
***
There is a eagle on campus. A greedy little eagle that killed a pregnant squirrel by knocking it out of a tree to the ground and flew back up to another tree branch because the squirrel was too heavy to carry. Hahahaha. After 4 hours of spectacular show from the audience, aka ka po students, the eagle finally had the chance to eat his/her meal.
***
I thought I was smart when I left work half an hour earlier to head home because I was tired. After 10 minutes in the cold, the bus finally arrived. On its way to the Llyold Noble bus-stop, a man ran across the traffic light signaling the bus to stop. It stopped, opened the doors and the man got on.
The bus driver got mad and asked the man to alight. The man pretended to be stupid.
The bus driver got madder and said that he wont drive the bus until the man alight. The man remained stupid.
The bus driver got super mad and said he will call the police to come. The man remained incredibily stupid.
The bus driver finally calls for the police on his walkie-talkie. The man continued his stupid act.
Finally the police come.
Police: "Why do you want the man to get out of the bus?"
Driver: "Because he didnt get on at the bus-stop. He just got on at the traffic light and that's wrong."
Stupid Man: "But I'm not breaking the law. I just want to go to Llyold Noble Bus stop."
Police: "Now, the bus driver is the boss here. This is his bus and passenges are supposed to get on the designated area. You are causing trouble for the driver, the passenger and me. The driver cannot continue his journey if you are on the bus. Now, please get off the bus."
Stupid Man: "Oh Ok."
Sometimes, Americans are so stubborn and full of rules. It took them 20 mins for the entire situation to resolve. By then, I could have reached home just by walking. Instead, I was forced to watch the entire male pride exchange drama that took away my initial goal of reaching home early.
If only people could learn to give way, the world would be so much more efficient.
Eg. Bus driver should have just drive on if the stupid man refused to get down! Coz passenges are depending on him and of course, the responsibility falls on serving the needs of many instead of focusing on one. I mean, stupid man could have always been reprimanded later...
Or the stupid man could just have realized that, "Hello! The bus cant move because of you and you should just freaking get off because you are disrupting the route."
I hate stubborn people.
The Boots were a sign of protest of war. The protest against innocent killings. Of taking away life, and leaving the living behind with a pounding wave of sorrow, helplessness and angsty.
I thought it was an act of honor, to showcase those boots, which were painstakingly organized into straight lines. I thought it was a great way to show the world that the Iraq war needs to end because innocent lives were being killed.
That is, until I met my friend.
Me: "Im going to take pictures of those boots."
Friend: "Why? It's a disgrace!"
Me: "Disgrace? But these are soldiers who died in the war, and we should honor them."
Friend: "Fine, but the event is about protest against war!"
Me: "So? I think war should be stopped."
Friend: "But these people join the military to fight. It's a disgrace to use their boots to protest against war. Why else do you think I'm in the Navy?"
I took pictures anyway, but I thought what Friend said was rather true. Still, I thought of it as a way of remembering and honoring the fallen. But at the end of the day, whether there were empty boots or full boots, I stand against war, protest or no protest.
***
There is a eagle on campus. A greedy little eagle that killed a pregnant squirrel by knocking it out of a tree to the ground and flew back up to another tree branch because the squirrel was too heavy to carry. Hahahaha. After 4 hours of spectacular show from the audience, aka ka po students, the eagle finally had the chance to eat his/her meal.
***
I thought I was smart when I left work half an hour earlier to head home because I was tired. After 10 minutes in the cold, the bus finally arrived. On its way to the Llyold Noble bus-stop, a man ran across the traffic light signaling the bus to stop. It stopped, opened the doors and the man got on.
The bus driver got mad and asked the man to alight. The man pretended to be stupid.
The bus driver got madder and said that he wont drive the bus until the man alight. The man remained stupid.
The bus driver got super mad and said he will call the police to come. The man remained incredibily stupid.
The bus driver finally calls for the police on his walkie-talkie. The man continued his stupid act.
Finally the police come.
Police: "Why do you want the man to get out of the bus?"
Driver: "Because he didnt get on at the bus-stop. He just got on at the traffic light and that's wrong."
Stupid Man: "But I'm not breaking the law. I just want to go to Llyold Noble Bus stop."
Police: "Now, the bus driver is the boss here. This is his bus and passenges are supposed to get on the designated area. You are causing trouble for the driver, the passenger and me. The driver cannot continue his journey if you are on the bus. Now, please get off the bus."
Stupid Man: "Oh Ok."
Sometimes, Americans are so stubborn and full of rules. It took them 20 mins for the entire situation to resolve. By then, I could have reached home just by walking. Instead, I was forced to watch the entire male pride exchange drama that took away my initial goal of reaching home early.
If only people could learn to give way, the world would be so much more efficient.
Eg. Bus driver should have just drive on if the stupid man refused to get down! Coz passenges are depending on him and of course, the responsibility falls on serving the needs of many instead of focusing on one. I mean, stupid man could have always been reprimanded later...
Or the stupid man could just have realized that, "Hello! The bus cant move because of you and you should just freaking get off because you are disrupting the route."
I hate stubborn people.
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