Blah

You know what persistent, perserverance, stamina means?

I do.

I perserved for 4 years ... even when I was living in fear, I did not give up. I subjected myself to torture, abuse, hatred. Probably too weak to give up and say no. A coward.

I perserve now too. In the wrong way. Chasing after a dream that cannot exist.

I have the qualities. I am just using it the wrong way.

If I put the same amount of energy in work and writing, I would be successful. Or at least moderately successful.

I am pretty dumb, I know. At least I am aware of it.

Blah.

Death in dreams

I had the weirdest dream.

I dreamt that I died. But in my dream, I continued living on earth .. like a ghost.

A few hours after my death, I met my roommate, who didnt believe me when I told him I just died. The news hasnt spread yet. I died by a snake bite.

R: You know what to do now right?
Me (Staring at the mirror and washing my hands):What?
R: Start digging.

And the worst part was, I know but I didnt want to do it. I still have so much left on earth that I havent accomplished. I felt as if I just lost everything and there was nothing left for me but to dig.

Dream:

I was eating dinner somewhere by the road...and there was another family a few meter a way. As I made my way back home, the family's snake "chose" me. It flew to my neck and bit me. The newspaper report read that it was unfortunate...

~~~

I really hope I dont die young. After my brush with accident, I woke up feeling extremely terrified, because I know it could happen anytime.

So here I am typing this...because I havent died before, because I still live...

I am going to take a shower now...and then, it is time to do my homework...

It is time to start living life.

-Love-
Me.

Brainwashing

I am brainwashing myself....

BOYS ARE...

JERKS.

JERKS.

JERKS.

That's it.

:)