Sick

I am suffering from all kinds of sickness.

Flu, cold, sore throat, cough, fever.

And then I went to Panam Party. I know, I know... BAD! But it is Halloween and I just couldnt resist. So I just pop a panadol for cold and gurgle my mouth with salt water for the sore throat.

Blame the sickness on the change of weather and my weak immune system.

I have not been taking good care of myself this system. In the earlier weeks, I remember suffering from flu...

What is wrong with me?

Why is my immune system so weak these days?

Argh!

Winter Plans

I am going to California.

Again.

Woot!

This time to different places in California. Almost different.

And I have to fly, 3 times.

That sucks.

My Happy Formula

When I am happy, I cant do anything.

The stress is just not there.

Bad.

Happy = Procastination

Bad.

Nike

My Nike shoe arrived today!!!

Happiness!!!

Purple Shoe

I bought a new Puma shoe today, in rich purple color. Very beautiful!




I was supposed to be doing my paper, but I didnt get anything done at all! Blame it on the blackout! So I went to Ross instead to return some clothes and a shoe store a few blocks away was having clearance because they were moving.



The prices were still pretty expensive even though slashed, but I managed to get my PUMA shoe for only 29.99!!! Exciting! This is good news since the padding on my old shoe is totally worn out and is peeking out. I have used it for 2 years straight to school and gym. Hehe. I hate changing shoe lah. I am very loyal when it comes to footwear.



But a few days ago, I ordered a Nike shoe online for 45 :) A little expensive compared to PUMA but hey, I hope I like it coz I seriously dont want to wear deep purple to school everyday! It's going to be so weird. My nike shoe is brown and pink! How cool is that?!

I feel so happy even thought I have like 50 pages to write and its due next week! Eek.

Btw, I didnt always like Puma. I disliked it till last year, when I first brought a black Puma bag for school coz it looked sturdy.

Then in Puerto Rico, I didnt have enough space in my luggage so I had to buy an extra bag and guess what! Puma again, because it was cheap and rather nice. All pure shimmering white.

And now this purple shoe! And I have a shirt too. I feel like a Puma ambassador. They should really pay me :)

BK

Yesterday, I saw a person seating on the bench.

My heart quickened a beat and my strides lengthened.

As soon as I walked past him, I exhaled slowly and quickly hopped on the second bus.

I took the longer bus ride instead of bus 40.

This is what happens with unresolved relationships - friends or otherwise.

***
I am thinking that I should stop going online.

Bad. Bad. Bad.
***

Cracked

Suddenly it became all crystal clear.

When my post was there, you thought.

When your post was there,I thought.

And then it crumbled, collasped.

Because there is no foundation.

And now, we are back where we belong.

Just friends.

Just ordinary friends.

I have to say,

it was fun meeting you,

my friend.

Cracked up to be.

Cracked is a useless word

to be.

Haha.

Oh cracked.

The Unloader

Since when did I become an emotional unloader.

By golly, it is hard.

Im sorry about the news, S.R. I had no idea. And yes, I dont care much for you. I dont know how much you care for me too. Obviously, it seems that you care a lot about me because you made it sound as if you put a lot of effort and time into it. How much is a lot, huh?

I dont care but I am sorry.

At least I care, even if it is not to your standard.

Questions

"You know - you're pretty insensitive sometimes..you with all of your activities and friends"

Questions:

1) What is this person feeling when he/she wrote that?

2) Why did the person write that?

The Circus Elephant

Sometimes I feel like I am on a show, with the spotlight put on me.

An uncomfortable show.

The feeling of being dragged around like a circus elephant, and all the ah's and wow's around me.

I hate it.

I know that the person is sincere, but I feel scared, afraid, frightened, trapped...picked apart.

Used.

***

I dont know why I am so picky.

I like the idea of being in love.

But not in love.

I have come across many, but all have failed terribly, and now, I have a premonition that another one is going down. Or maybe it is just me, trying to stop the tide on both side.

Edit: Maybe I havent found the right one yet.
***

OU-Texas Weekend

Just when I thought I would some free time to catch up on my homework during the weekend, I didnt do anything.

Friday was an off day because of the OU-Texas football game.

OU won. Yay!

On sunday, I went to my friend's pot luck.

I said, "I havent done any homework at all this weekend."

M.T. said with a huh-what expression, "What did you do?"

I replied dumbly, "Surf the net."

And then I had to think....and it only came to me hours later.

Thursday Night- Watch abc.com

Friday - clean apt and arrange MSA boxes, sleep, K.H. cheesecake, MSA bowling, Ihop

Sat - Dim Sum, Bubble Tea, G's apt, La Pasco Walk, G's apt and game, CaoN, Walmart, Home-Arrange furniture, Party. (damn productive)

Sun - Eat, nap, church, pot luck, study.

Hmm, procastination on studying. Why am I not suprised? I feel so out of school now, like I had a long holiday :)

The party was fun! :)

I figure out that if ever I want to post any pictures of people, it will be highly photoshop so much that the people will remain unrecognized, unless the person in the picture is known to the readers and are able to put on a face on the person.

The Bday Atmosphere

pls: When I am tipsy, my reaction is faster. I dont think that much. I act. I never got into the shower so quick before after reaching home. Eek. I smell.

September and October is definitely the birthday month here!!!

I feel like I have been eating cake every week.

S.Shutts's, WS's, mine, M.Sakurai., and there are a few more bday's going on but I didnt attend. Man, that's a lot.

I celebrated M.S's and B.L's bday with a bashing party. I drank one and a half shot of whiskey and Im already feeling rather tipsy and one alcoholic drink of gin and something.

I had a great time. M.S's a fun guy to be with when he is drunk. Haha.

And of course, B.L. I met him two years ago. He still remembered when we first met (plus CI and R.N), and it took me a while before I could remember. Haha. OU cousins. That's right. Glad to see he really didnt forget us after the event. Cheers.

And Happy birthday to JL too...and the rest before and after :)

There are so many bday's going on!!! If you read my facebook profile, its all "thank you for wishing me happy bday, etc etc!"

Last year, almost half of the malaysians celebrated their bday in september and that's a lot! Too bad some had to leave OU ...

I already forget the name of the Indian guy I was talking to. He is really funny. Hahaha. When he first came, I recognize him, but I didnt know where. He told me that I once asked him not to drink Coke in the computer lab where I was working in. Haha. So we spoke for a while. And later on, the girls (E.A, A.M, me) pull him to dance in the living room with M.S, C.G.L. and another guy. Once the randoim dancing was over, E.A kept pushing him down by knocking her hips onto his. So I tried it and he did go down. Hahaha. I took a picture of me knocking him down too. It is basically for fun, trying to act drunk or giving in more to temptation/less inhibitation.

Soon after, I left and came home to see my cousin watching tv! What! She left the party early coz she said she was tired and I came home to see her watching tv! Unbelievable tv addict :)

When it becomes reality...

The keyboard decided to riot and started acting up two hours before my 12,500 word paper was due.

So I played system restore with my computer.

I won.

J Test

I am smarter than I thought.

I scored 98 on my japanese when the average was just 87?

Hahahahaha. Oh yea. Now Im talking. ;p

I have to say, it came as a BIG surprise. I seriously thought I was going to get a B or C because I "messed up" on the listening. I knew the answers but I didnt know what ending to use.

I also thought I "messed up" on the location and place sentences.

The last page, I didnt know how to translate the english to japanese. I tried.

And I also didnt know what the meaning of one word I had to explain was.

In the end, I guess the ending for listening, hoped my location and place sentences were correct, translate some sentence twice before I hoped I got it right and guessed the meaning of one definition. If I didnt have my correction tape with me, I swear the papers will be filled with blue scratched marks all over.

It was also kind of my fault for being over confidence and spending less than an hour to study.

Ok. So I got 98.

Laugh with me. Wahahahahaha.

LUCKY!!!

Happy Birthday

Today [9/28] is my 21st birthday. I am happy and tipsy. Yes, tipsy because I can finally drink alcohol legally :)

I drank one glass of Singapore sling, one melonball shot, half sex on the beach drink, and two blowjob shots with cream on top of it. Don’t ask. At first, while drinking the blowjob, I was kind of nervous and I laughed twice or thrice before I could finally get myself to drown it all. And it was good. I mean, really good. The first time, I managed to get everything down in my throat. The second time, I left a little bit in the cup and picked it up to drink it. It was certainly an unforgettably experience especially since it happened during my 21st birthday.

Thanks J.Lee for ordering the blowjob.
Thanks C.G.L for paying for my drinks.
Thanks C.N for paying for the melonball.
Thanks to the Mont for my free shirt.
Thanks to R.N for my tea café shirt.
Thanks C.I. for throwing the best birthday.

Pls: Apparently, no one knew why the blowjob had cream on top and J.Lee was surprised. I thought the cream was for decoration and I didn’t like it because it was fattening. Don’t you know what comes with a blowjob, he said incredulously. Then, I got it. I don’t know about the others.

Pls: Thanks to my cousin for celebrating my 21st birthday and making it such a great party even though it was a day late. And thanks for the filet breakfast with cucumbers around it! :)

Pls: Thanks to everyone for being there even though you didn’t know about it.

I was afraid I was going to do nothing on my 21st birthday but apparently, patience is a good virtue. I was worried I was going to let my 21st birthday past me by and when it is gone, it can never come back. I guess it is good that I have a cousin here. Family will always stick by you no matter what.

“Oh no, she’s becoming an alcoholic. And now, every drink will taste like cherry.” – J.Lee :)

Edit: The above was written right aften I came home. Not bad, huh.

Uh oh.

According to my mom, dad is very very angry.

So angry that he didnt sent me an email for a long long time.

So angry that he ASKED my computer-dummy mom to sent me an email.

So angry that my mom repeated that he is very mad THRICE in her email in between what's going on at home and tales of everyone.

~~~

Yesterday, while I was in the middle of shower, my head snapped up. "Oh, shit!" I said. I totally forgot about dad's birthday.

Now he is very very angry.

"Oh, shit?"

You bet.

~~~

I replied mom that I will MAKE a special present for him.

Aka, I have no clue.

~~~

Normally, dad reminds me to wish so-and-so happy birthday. Like for example, my mom, my bro and my sis. Dont ask why but I know when their bdays are but I always forget to wish them until the day is over. So anyway, dad is mad that I forgot his too! And secretly think he is too proud, upset, and mad to sent me an email demanding that I wish him a Happy Birthday!!! Hehehe. Proud? In some sense. More like "keeping face". You know, the manly attitude.

~~~

Im still in deep shit. But I think Im okay. Hehehe. Dad doesnt stay mad for long. Hehehehe :)

~~~

Problem: What to give dad as his birthday present?

Procastination

Today I...

didnt do much. It was a boring day.

Tomorrow I...

will do more. I will be twice as quick.

The next week I...

will be done. And my world complete.

Today I...

didnt do much. It was a boring day.

Japanese

Me: Yonensee
Sensei: Yonensee?
Me *hestitantly*: Yonensee
Sensei: Senior?
Me: Hai

Do I look young or what?! ;) Then sensei asked, "Who is super senior?" She said some japanese word...

I didnt raise up my hand of course. It would be a double shock to her, and she will remember me in class for all eternity. Ok, a year at most.

Japanese reading - kills my brain cells. I swear they are dieing right now.

Me = new words = brain freeze

I dont know what's sensei's impression of me. I did pretty good on my homework because sugi-san was helping me. I did pretty good on the test because I was lucky and consistent on my quizzes.

But the vocab ... ... ... die lah!!! It is all so strange sounding that its almost like speaking in dreams. You know what you are talking about, but you dont know what you are saying.

Need distraction

I dont know why, but I am nervous, tense and agitated.

I have to expell all these energy before I go bonkers.

Japanese exam finished 1.5 hours ago, but Im still feeling edgy. I keep thinking about that, this, that over there, some romanji and some english translation.

I cannot concentrate and I keep shifting around in my seat. My throat is tight and my breathing fast and shallow. And hunger calls and my tummy hurts from my erratic breathing and the hunger.

I need distraction, commotion, something to take my mind of the tension.

I need relaxation. Maybe I should bring some aromatic jasmine oil to school next time It worked pretty well the first time I tried it when my neck was aching.

I didnt sleep till 5am and I kept having dreams of this boy who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend and vice versa. I think I am going crazy. And in my dream I was the boy and I am writing the letter, or seeing it written, but in reality, I kept scratching the side of my feet (thinking of writing) so I woke up with a swollen itchy vein.

I think I am going crazy. I kept imagining there are bedbugs and it is biting my leg (therefore the occasional wake up in the middle of the night and morning scratches) and the three separate scarve like blanket that I use to cover myself is making me paranoid because I dont dare to turn in my sleep and risk the cold. Ok, I am still nervous and tense. This whole writing therapy - not working.

Home. World. Universe.

Im not sure how well I'll do in my first japanese test.

So far, I've been pretty consistent on the quizzes but that is *sub-sub-sui* (easy).

***

I dont really know why the hell am I learning japanese for. It is because I really LOVE japanese language, or because of anime influences, friends' influence, just simply easy A, etc.

I think its a combination of all. Friend's influence, anime... these two are big influences on why I am in japanese class. Loving the language...hmm, i wouldnt say it would be much use since its only used in japan, not like spanish or french, but I have to admit that japanese sounds more foreign and exotic than spanish or french, only because im in U.S. duh.

I think I would have love to study french, if only I had some kinda background since most students here have taken it before in high school and its pretty easy for them. I hate to struggle when people are taking it breezy, that's why I went for japanese. Hey, how hard can it be when I have chinese background? *pfft* say what!?

***
I dont really know if I should balik kampung in december. My cousin is going back, but then she hasnt been back for two years. Me, hmm. If I dont go back this year, it could be more than two years before I can go back again. Decisions, decisions. What can I do if I go back? Nothing. I will be trapped at home, in a shared room, with no air-con, no peace, no privacy, and constant noise from loud shouting.

The last time I went back, I forgot everything about U.S. Everything. When I got back, I could barely remember what my room looks like or where my stuff were. It was that bad. Like some kind of fuzzy dream. I dont know how to explain it, but my brain seems to think that msia/spore is HOME, WORLD, UNIVERSE and everything else outside it is ... FOREIGN AND ALIEN. So once I return to msia, U.S. became dream-like - the way it used to be when I was a child. Like a moon orbiting around earth. Even now, in U.S. I feel like a foreigner, because I keep refering to those americans as ang mo and using my daily dose of lah, leh, mah, meh, etc. Or maybe it is because I cannot accept them deep down in my heart - low tolerance or something.

But of course, I am in U.S. now, and it definitely does not feel dreamlike to me, not when I have a test in less than 12 hours and tons of reading to catch up on.

Hmm, maybe I left my heart in msia, where my family is...or wait...

heart = stomach = food

food = I miss = heart

heart = home

Therefore, heart = food = home = universe

Hehehe. Whatever. I am just procastinating my studies for japanese. Shucks.

Please excuse my ramblings.