Many times in life, I feel like I am trapped behind a pane of glass. I am there, but I am not. I am a shadow, a trailing yarn on the floor. I want to jump in, feel the different colors, be involved. Yet, when I try, I feel silly and occasionally, there is a feeling of confusion, dread, fear. And I want to stay out again.
So one day, I decided to jump. The water was hot, and beautiful. But it was just a dip. The deeper I went, the colder it got. The freezing wind, the frantic despair, the endless struggle up to the warm sun.
The weather is getting colder again. The winds are shifting. The cold front is here, and it brought the fog.
I lay in bed, thinking of the past year, where I jumped. The seasons changing, and is still changes. But everything's different. The people around me, the buzzing excitment, the shouts of joys, the feeling of hope, peace, and everything warm and fuzzy.
I have surfaced and have been floating in the warm water for some time. It took some time to recognize it. Even now, I am still thawing. A little raw in edges that perhaps are scars etched in the skin. But I am back behind the pane of glass and I am looking out at life, and the intense emotion that I wanted to experience.
Truth is, it aint pretty out there. The grass is not always greener on the other side. I am happy in my place. I am happy being the wallflower, the shadow, the passive follower. Sometimes, you just have to be happy with what you have. Do not covet your neighbors. Life is beautiful. You just have to make it happen. Choose wisely.
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