Finding myself

I dislike being away from my boyfriend. You might say that I have attachment issues.

Without him, I feel abandoned and even more insecure.

As it is, I have no self confidence.

But I got to change that. I got to start believing in myself. Start trusting myself. Start loving myself.

The first step is always the hardest. But I will try my best to be all that I can be. To live life to the fullest, to dream exponentially, to find the WILL again to stay strong and buckle up because it can be done.

For so long, I have been single, I have always found ways to keep myself busy. But dating someone has soften me. It has reduced me to a pitied fool, only because now I can't bear to tear myself from him. And now, I grow more dependent on him to validate me as I become used to his praises, love and encouragement.

While he has continued to stand strong, I have dissolved my soul to blend into him. Like a dust floating in the air, I go where he blows.

So this post is able finding myself again, and standing tall.

Recently, he has picked up several sports, which leaves me in a dilemma. I have time on my hands, but nothing to wile away my loneliness.

In my attempts to find meaning in life again, here are the list of activities I round up:

Reading, writing, drawing, running, shopping, Japanese, dancing, ice skating

The only problem is, these are all single activities, and I hate being alone, not when he is with friends.

I have no real girlfriends to go out with. No friends to hang out with. No one but him. Perhaps that is why life without him depresses me. Only because I have no social network to cling on.

But still, I have promised myself to stand up tall! Just do it. WRITE. LIVE. LOVE. LIFE.